The mighty blow job—intimidating for sure, but probably one of the best sex acts to have in your pleasure arsenal. Though taking full control of your partner's penis or strap-on can feel empowering, you may have sometimes wondered if your blow job technique could use a little improvement. So, what else should you know about blow jobs aside from the...uh...basics? Well, here's exactly how to take your oral sex game to the next level, according to certified sex therapists.
Tip #1: Be enthusiastic
By far the number one rule for giving good head is actually wanting to give good head. There's a big difference between 'they do this for me because I like it' and someone that is actually being turned on by giving oral sex.
A few ways to show your enthusiasm:
- Make eye contact. Don't stare the entire time without blinking (creepy), but do take conscious breaks to switch your gaze from the penis to their eyes, taking in all facial cues.
- Tell them how turned on you are. You know how you can get self-conscious when a partner goes down on you? Yeah, so can everyone! So compliment how hard they are in your mouth and how excited that's making you. Or be straightforward: "I love how your penis feels in my mouth." Simple, but effective.
-
Ask them what they want. Asking for feedback shows that you care and want to give your partner the best experience possible. You can say "How does this feel?" right before you put your mouth back on the shaft, or "Is this wet enough for you?" midway through.
Tip #2: Kiss a lot
Another great way to start off your blow job is by kissing his cock all over. Kissing is great if you like taking things slowly and teasing your man.
You can kiss his penis any way you want, but it will be a lot easier when you use your hand to hold it in place while you kiss it. There are multiple different ways to kiss his penis, from giving him small, quick ‘pecks,’ to giving him longer, more intense kisses. He’ll especially love it if you give him extra wet, sloppy kisses. Don’t be surprised if you can see precum or semen dripping from his cock at this stage.
Kissing him is a fabulous way to pull back if you feel him getting close to climaxing and want him to wait a little longer before reaching orgasm. It will also give your jaw a rest if you find it getting tired from having him in your mouth.
Tip #3: Bring your hands into the mix
A blow job might count as oral sex, but that doesn't mean your mouth has to do all the work.
If your jaw starts to feel sore or tired a few minutes into the job, you're likely suctioning too hard with your mouth. So shift some of the work to your hands, counting on them for pressure.
Here's your basic stroke once you've warmed up a bit:
-
Wrap your dominant hand around the shaft, then add your mouth.
-
Connect your hand to your lips—as in, press your index finger and thumb (which are making an O sign) against your lips and keep them sealed there.
-
Move your hand-plus-lips up and down the penis.
If their penis is larger than average, you can keep your mouth in one place and move your wet hand up and down separately.
Tip #4: Try to deep throat if you like
Deep throating—where you take the member so far into your mouth, it's in your throat—is definitely an advanced skill. Why? Two words: gag reflex.
Some people’s gag reflex is more easily activated than others, but if you're able to train it, you can surprise (and by that, I mean SHOCK) your partner with moments of deep throating.
Not only does deep throating feel amazing to them (your throat is obviously tighter than their mouth), but it’s a turn-on seeing their entire length somehow fit inside your mouth. (Back to that visual thing from the previous point.)
A word of caution: Ease into this, and only when you can breathe well through your nose. No penis is worth choking over.
Tip #5: Get comfortable
There's nothing worse than giving a blow job and feeling your neck cramp or your knees bruise from an uncomfortable or unsustainable position. So be sure you (and your partner) are in comfortable positions to make the situation more enjoyable all around. For givers, if you're on your knees, get a pillow so the knees are supported.
Trying out different positions can also be a fun way to experiment and ease up the pressure and stress. If one position isn't working, it'll be pretty clear to both parties involved, so laugh about it and try another way! This makes the entire process more enjoyable all around.
Submissive Positions – If you want to act submissive for your man when you blow him, then getting down on your knees or been pushed down by him, while he remains standing can feel quite submissive while your man feels dominant.
Looking up and making eye contact with him during your your blow job while on your knees can intensify this feeling of submission.
Having your hands cuffed behind your back, giving your man more control over you, can ramp this submissive feeling up to the max.
Mirrors – Another great way to add to your man’s visual experience is to use a mirror.
There’s no need to install a custom ceiling mirror above your bed, but…
Think about giving him a blow job in front of a regular wall mirror or even in front of a large window or glass shower door where he can see your reflection.
Tip #6: Use BJ gel
Specialized gel used for BJ is a great helper in every game. Wetness is one of the most important factors for a successful BJ session. But when there is not enough saliva in the mouth (due to lack of water or dry weather) A lack of water in the mouth will be the turnoff factor for both, gel will be the best salvation.
If you like the taste of coconut oil or prefer an oral lube, there are plenty of lube options to choose from that can change your blow job game.
Tip #7: Play with temperature
Bring the heat, with ice. Yup, using ice cubes during a blow job is actually extremely arousing. This unconventional method sounds like blow job urban legend, but a mouth full of crushed up ice delivers a tingly sensation, and the contrast between the warmth of your mouth and the cool ice can be refreshing.
With your partner's permission, play around with ice. Try sucking on an ice cube right before you go down on them. Fill your mouth with crushed up ice and go to town. While you might feel like a chipmunk, the combo of cold and melting ice makes for a wet, good time. Trust, just try it.
Tip #8: Feel it out
Take time to explore with your mouth. Every penis is different. Feel with your mouth the texture, the shape, and how it fills your mouth. Go into it with curiosity.
Remember: Let go of the pressure of giving an orgasm. If you're hyper-focused on getting that, it can actually sabotage the pleasure. Instead, focusing on the journey of pleasure, both in receiving and giving, is a key piece of satisfying your partner
How do I know if I gave a good blow job?
There's no one way to know you gave a good blow job, because it's entirely subjective to what your partner likes and what the end goal is. Making your partner cum is not the only sign of a good blow job. Usually, the person receiving the blow job will let you know, 'Oh wow that was amazing.' If it wasn’t good, chances are they would have asked you to stop during it."
Communication — before, after, and during—is also helpful to giving a good blow job. Talking about it during and after is a key piece of emotional vulnerability that only feeds your sex life.
Ask your partner open-ended questions, like 'What did you like about that?' or 'What was your favorite part?'. Another one could be, 'If we could do something differently next time, what would that be?' or 'What's one thing you really want me to make sure I include next time that you really like?'.
Have conversations about preferences so that the other person feels seen, felt, and heard by you. Not everyone likes the same techniques, and every mouth is a little different.