Làm Gì Khi Bạn Và Partner Bị “Lệch Pha” Trong Tình Dục?

<tc>What To Do If You And Your Partner Are Not Sexually Compatible?</tc>

The "out of phase" in sex is expressed in many aspects: different frequencies of desires, different fetishes, etc. For example, you like BDSM while your partner just wants to be pampered and as gentle as possible. Or the other person has high needs while you don't need to have sex. Let's solve this difficult problem with Rung Rung!


50% các cặp vợ chồng đồng ý cho rằng việc hoà hợp trong tình dục là một yếu tố cực kỳ quan trọng trong hạnh phúc hôn nhân!

50% of couples agree that sexual harmony is an extremely important factor in marital happiness! - Source: Institute of Psychology


What is compatibility in sex?

It is when both people can happily adjust their sexual desires, needs and preferences to satisfy each other.

An extremely important aspect that determines this "coherence" is consistency in frequency. The difference in sexual desire and desire will lead to feelings of frustration, stress, and rejection. Sitting down and clearly talking to each other about the weekly schedule you want with your partner will help you two avoid misunderstandings and emotional conflicts later.

Understand and listen to each other's fetishes and fantasies (sexual desires). Everyone has their own interests (although sometimes they can be a bit eccentric and unusual). Courageously sharing these interests frankly with your partner will make the relationship stronger.

Một khía cạnh cực kì quan trọng quyết định sự “hợp rơ” này chính là thống nhất về tần suất. Sự chênh lệch trong tuần suất mong muốn và ham muốn tình dục sẽ dẫn đến cảm giác thất vọng, căng thẳng, bị từ chối. Việc ngồi lại nói rõ với nhau về tuần suất mà bạn mong muốn với partner sẽ giúp hai bạn tránh những hiểu lầm và xung đột cảm xúc về sau.

Key words: Listen - Accept - Don't judge


This "match" may change over time. Just because the two of you are compatible now doesn't mean it won't be the same in the future and vice versa. So what is important is repeated three times: COMMUNICATION - COMMUNICATION - COMMUNICATION.


Signs that the two of you are "deviating"

  1. The two's sexual needs hardly match. If your partner wants to have sex 6 times and you want to have sex 1-2 times, it's clear that the two of you are "out of phase" in terms of frequency.
  2. Not concentrating, enjoying having sex. Do it as an obligation, to make the other person happy, not because you really want it.
  3. You often have to "treat yourself"
  4. Uninterested in exploring new experiences together
  5. Not satisfied after having sex
  6. Unable to express needs and desires to each other. Fear of being judged and judged.
  7. Both no longer pay attention and take care of each other's sexual needs. This can manifest itself in ignoring, being indifferent, and ignoring when those needs could easily be met


99 causes of sexual "misalignment"

There are many reasons why couples cannot find harmony in their relationship. It could be:

- Health issues: Physical condition, endurance, side effects of drugs, physiological weakness in men (learn about kegel exercises to prolong sexual intercourse for men), erectile dysfunction in women (you heard right, women also suffer from erectile dysfunction).


trở ngại tâm lý như việc bị căng thẳng với cuộc sống, kinh tế, các mối quan hệ. Đến việc bị chấn thương tâm lý từ quá khứ như từng bị quấy rối, cưỡng hiếp, ám ảnh tình dục do sự bất cẩn từ cha mẹ (cha mẹ quan hệ để con nhỏ thấy cũng là một dạng chấn thương tâm lý),... có thể ảnh hưởng đến việc hoà hợp trong quan hệ tình dục


- Psychological problems: psychological obstacles such as stress with life, economics, relationships. To suffer from psychological trauma from the past such as being harassed, raped, sexually obsessed due to carelessness from parents (parents having sex for their children to see is also a form of psychological trauma).

- The problem of preferences: two people have completely opposite sexual preferences and cannot find anything in common. The two have different views on sex. For example: people who like BDSM, people who like gentleness, people who like open relationships, people who like 1-1, people with high needs, people who want to preserve their marriage, etc. There are thousands of different contradictions and disagreements.


Open your heart and share

Master of psychology Dang Hoang An said: “When you realize that having sex is out of phase, more than anyone else, the people involved need to look at the problem clearly. in a civilized, practical way, absolutely not avoiding it. Because the general psychology of Vietnamese people today is still a certain shyness, or confusion when facing sensitive issues.”


Bắt đầu bằng cách chọn thời gian và địa điểm thích hợp để có cuộc trò chuyện này. Quan trọng là cả hai bạn cảm thấy thoải mái và không bị gián đoạn. Tiếp cận cuộc trò chuyện với sự thông cảm và hiểu biết, vì đó có thể là một chủ đề nhạy cảm đối với partner của bạn.


Start by choosing a suitable time and place to have this conversation. It's important that you both feel comfortable and uninterrupted. Approach the conversation with sympathy and understanding, as it may be a sensitive topic for your partner.

Avoid blaming or criticizing each other. Instead, focus on how to express how you feel and what you want.

Listen and understand. Give your partner the opportunity to share their perspective without judgment or criticism. Show genuine interest by maintaining eye contact, nodding in agreement, and asking questions when necessary.

Let's explore each other's sexual preferences, try out new skills, locations, positions, and outfits to find things in common. Reference: Ways to talk to your partner about fantasies/fetishes 

If finding common ground seems too difficult despite your efforts to talk to each other, consider seeking help from a psychologist.

 Mối quan hệ nào cũng có nhiều vấn đề, tuy “lệch pha” trong tình dục là một vấn đề to bự nhưng cũng phải là không có cách giải quyết. Chỉ là hai bạn có muốn ngồi lại cùng nhau đi qua vấn đề này hay không thôi.   Cùng nhau trò chuyện và tìm cách giải quyết thay vì bỏ đi và tìm mối quan hệ thay thế là cách giải quyết văn minh cho những bất ổn trong tình dục.



Every relationship has many problems. Although "out of phase" in sex is a huge problem, it also has no solution. It's just whether you two want to sit down and go through this issue together or not.

Talking together and finding a solution instead of leaving and finding an alternative relationship is a civilized solution to sexual instability.

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